Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Mermaid Problems!

I so rarely get a chance to make a post that isn't just a summary of what I've been up to. I've had this one kicking around in my mind for a while, so I figured it's time to share it. Hopefully it'll give you a laugh. Though, all these things are so true....


1. You and your significant other/family will likely always step on seashells in your home. Ouch.

2. Your significant other/mertender will likely be covered in glitter at some point. Poor mer-wrangler Sean was asked if he was dressed up as a twilight vampire for Halloween.

3. Chlorine is your enemy and washing it off your tail, tops, and accessories... takes forever. It burns your hair. Your friends hug you weeks late and tell you they still smell it, lol.

4. Ear and sinus infections- yay!

5. Foot blisters from monofins... yay!

6. Painful imprints from monofins... yay!

7. Painful imprints from tight tails... yay!

8. Having your weight go up or down after spending loads of $$$ on form fitting tail!

9. Underwater makeup that really WONT wash off. (I may have worn the same makeup for 3 days in a row...)

10. Having to pee... anytime you're already in your tail... and there's that one kid following you around obsessively waiting for you to break character.

11. Going for a swim without your tail and forgetting how to do it.

12. Pretty much getting anywhere in a tail when you aren't in the water!

13. Going to put on your tail, realizing it isn't dry too late, after you've slid a foot into moldy/wet/sweaty fabric/latex/neoprene/silicone lol.

14. Those darned concrete pools that are death traps for poking holes or pulling off paint!

15. Trying to fit a competitor monofinned tail into any kind of standard luggage.

16. Explaining at the border why you have a mermaid tail.

17. Working your fins off to get fans on your social media, and then watching someone else either "buy" fans or go around spamming everyone relentlessly.

18. If you're me and need silicone ear puddy (ear plugs), forgetting/losing them!

19. Shell top wardrobe malfunctions... lol. It happened to me.

20. The one kid who insists you aren't real and insists on following you around proclaiming this loudly.

21. Merverts!  (here's how I deal with them. I call it a kick-butt mer-wrangler)

22. The adults who walk right in front of kids when you're in character to ask what your tail is made of and where you bought it.

23. Forgetting the sunscreen. Ow.

24. Breaking your nails trying to put on a tail... ow.

25. The magical limbo that is international shipping!

26. How many "shell phone" jokes you have to listen to.

27. Water up your nose!

28. Bashing your head with your own fluke!

29. Chasing down clients who are being difficult about paying (to be fair, this happens to most performers)

30. Realizing you have everything you needed for your gig in your silicone tail... except the lube to get your legs in... lol! (that's the worst)

31. Trying to get all the water OUT of your tail

32. Winter.

33. Rope burn from certain shell tops.

34: Everything sticks to silicone! Ugh~!

35: Everyone... wants a ride.

I'm sure there are many more, what are your mermaid problems?

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